Met up with Jasline at 11pm in Tampines.

She had to go home for lunch so that explains why i'm home so early. Yeah, so we literally chiong through the shopping and all. But i guess that's a good thing afterall, because if i manman lai for everything my legs are gonna break. The shoes are keeling me. LOL.

So we went to cotton on-> popular-> guardian-> toilet(She wanna do her make up)-> Comics connection(double diao face)-> MRT to bugis.

Had some mini camwhoring session at the toilet. Aiyo sorry la really feel damn qiguai going to that toilet yet not camwhoring!! :x

On the MRT some woman keep telling me she very boomz.

Wonder who's the woman?

YES THIS. &Why does she say so?

Because she has leopard print halter and leopard print bag. LOL.

Soon we arrived in Bugis. Bought chewy junior + bubbletea(My brunch ok!!) while Jasline bought her chicken sticks then we proceeded to Bugis street for our shopping.

Biker jacket's our first loot. 25dollars sia. Attempted bargaining but epic phail. She say everywhere else sell it more expensive so cannot decrease liao.

Then Jasline went to buy her schoolbag from the shop beside and afterwhich went for search of a dress to go with my biker jacket. I want to combine the girly yet manly feeling. x)

Then, went to buy romper(a pink one!!) before heading back with Jasline.

Happygurl94

Go home then did some trying out-s. My romper outfit is not complete yet.

1.

Cotton on 3quarter puffed up sleeve top.

Cotton on sequin skirt.

Cotton on bracelets.

Cotton on ribbon thingum.

Leggings.

Gonna add on:

Short beaded necklace(black)

Big ribbon hairband(black)

2.

Biker Jacket- Bugis Street.

Lace dress- Bugis Street.

Cotton on bracelets.

Aries white sexbands.

That big pimple (don't know why white one- My pimple's forever white btw) disturbing sia.

Gonna add on:

Long chain necklaces(Silver)

Thick bling bling hairband/headband.

The third outfit isn't out yet, but the rough idea would be the pink romper that i had bought+white top+translucent black leggings+shoes.

Hahahaha shit i'm so engrossed in all this things that i totally forgot about the biology+chemistry test tmr. SHITTTY. K I G2G. BYEEEEEEE.

No point, no point in making myself upset over and over again because of the nonchalency.

Just now damn funny sia. I was chatting with mrsimahbeng(i like to put you on par with simahlian leh how) on MSN.

Then i am like, "i am confused"

and he's like, "why? because of him ah?"(or something like that)

Then i'm like, "no, i told you i am going to be a mgt for the day"

"Then why're you confused O.O"

I really am studying right naozxzxz. Please don't doubt me. HAHAHA. Good way to distract me from the world anyway...

But i stopped bcuz i don't know how to do and nobody's home to coach me. Laastella leave house again!! ):

And when i have nothing to do, i start feeling hungry and the most sad thing is when you ransacked the refrigerators and cabinets to find nothing for you to eat.

Bet laadoris and poppa will come back very late bcuz they go gaigai or something.

Talking about gaigai, i am getting my 200 bucks for CNY shopping tonight (they say must clear my wardrobe before they give me-.-) !! :>

I will be damn busy recently with the paixi-s, counsellings, remedials, as well as CNY rehearsal so i kinda feel that i don't have the time to go for shopping wtf. But diedie also must finish buying everything by this friday! :O

So i am thinking about tomorrow. But i will only be able to go out after my tuition. Or hmmm, should i cancel my tuition? Then i will be able to go out with Jasline and she won't be so pekchek. Cheer up la girl!! I am sorry i cannot make it today.

HAHA OKAY SET I SHALL GO SHOPPING TMR (:

We have decided to go tamp->bugis->orchard->somerset 313.

Lol i don't know whether its because i have been hibernating at home for long but i'm so excited to go out tomorrow! ADRENALINE RUSH.

But i have been thinking about my outfit for CNY.

Okay i spent a long time at lookbook.nu + forever21.com+ cottonon.com for inspiration and now i finally have a rough idea on what to wear. Yayness(:

I wrote a checklist and will bring it out tmr while shopping. ZAI BO!

Anyway i guess many of you all will be doing the shopping tmr as well so if you're going to where i will be going, text me and maybe we can say hi or something:D

Hahaha and i know my blog has been kinda dead with the reused pictures and hence if jasline has the mood to camwhore with me tmr, i will post pictures :>

OMG I VERY EGGCITED FOR GOD-KNOWS-WHAT.

kk bixbix.

Rebecca feels like crying. I really hate being vulnerable, hate being emotional, but sometimes i just wonder why's life so hard for me. And i start to brainwash myself that i am just suffering earlier than the rest& that those people who lead a fortunate and happy life right now will get

their fair share of troubles/sufferings later in their lifes. God's fair. I try to believe.

1. I feel ugly, i am ugly. I know people may be thinking i'm trying to attract attention and for people to tell me "no you're not..." blablabla, but i'm really serious about it and i don't find the point in joking. Not like i wasn't ugly before, not like my eczema started only recently. But i used to be able to think on the bright side. Like, i can tell myself my face wasn't affected thankfully, i can tell myself its just my legs. But now i am pushed to a corner, my situation deteriorating like no mother and i cannot tell myself a shit to cheer myself up anymore. People from a distance might not realise, but once they are within 1metres everything's clear to them and casual remarks like, "what happened ah?" makes me gets extremely conscious that i'm ugly. It's just a way of caring they're trying to show, it's nothing offensive, but every word will start replaying itself over again in my mind. I try not to get affected, i try not to care, but i always fail. I always feel like crying whenever i wake up and see myself having some new injuries on my arms/legs. Sometimes i am so scared that i will tell myself not to go to sleep so that i won't have the chance to lose control of myself-meaning scratching myself and all. Sometimes i will feel extremely depressed over how i look and don't want to go to school. That's how self-conscious i am and i'm really sick of it already. Friends tell me no matter how i look, i am still rebecca and they will still be my friend and love me. I know, that's all that matters. Those who matters don't mind and those who mind don't matter? I know that too well to be true yet it's so hard, it's so hard to ignore whatever people are thinking about me. I hope my new medicine will work well, i want to regain the confidence. And be myself.

2. I have been such a sucker. I have been such a lousy actress. It's a golden opportunity that i finally get the chance to be one of the few roles in the CNY ju after the consequent years of irregular ponning but i'm doing so terribly. Lines not well memorised, emotions not intricate enough, unclear stage positions... What the hell am i doing? Sometimes i feel that someone else could have done much better than i'm doing right now... But i guess it's a matter of practice right now. I still have the weekends and till friday to make everything right. I will try my best. I'm sorry everyone for kinda screwing up today's.

3. I'm very scared, the previous week i was dealing with my studies very well but suddenly it feels like it's getting out of hand. Feels like everything's screwed up and time's barely enough. Till now i'm passing every test i did... But after today the record will be broken because i think i did REALLY badly for geography test on development. I didn't study at all. Next monday there's chem and bio retest? I am feeling so stressed.

4. I NEED A HUG. ):

& To that somebody who's reading my blog right now and probably laughing at the pictures/contents of my post:

I have always been unhappy with you. From the day Someone told me you said you don like me+you said Chelsea's attitude very bad and blabla... because she hang out with me etc etc. Give me a P.E.E.P on why her attitude bad la. Seriously who are you to judge? But i never said anything/do anything because you're from the neighbour class which is supposed to be our "kahkee" class and then many of my friends are YOUR friends. +You do have the rights to dislike me because i was really a bitch during sec1 and that thing i did was fucking wrong. So i diam diam all the while.

But when i heard that you actually went to my blog infront of a whole group of people and say "me and ______(we made up so i keep her name unknown) always go to her blog and laugh" i jitao was like wtf la. You want to do it CAN. Need make it so public ah? AND MY BLOG VERY FUNNY FOR YOU TO LAUGH AT IS IT? WHERE WHAT WHEN HOW? What about your own? ^^ such a big header with such a nice picture of yourself, and its so not funny. I seriously do think that you have become prettier as compared to the past but hmmm, that gives you the fucking right to come laugh at me? Yes what i ugly, but ugly people don't deserve mockings from people if you didn't know about basic respect.

I really don't want to blow up the matter. So yes. By now you should have known yourself. And come. I DARE YOU. I DARE YOU TO COME UP TO ME FACE TO FACE AND LAUGH AT MY FACE. If you do that, i continue play this hating game with you. Your fave right? :> But i don have an idea what i will do anyway. (:

If you know you're too much, and is sincere about that. i don't need an apology, because i really still feel fucking ashamed because of the sec one thing, but just stop doing things like that because this's really rude. Sua or not sua, up to YOU. TYVM.

Since it's 3am in the morning right now, i decided to do a short update since people like youjin tell me they like reading my blog because it's a kind of underhand means to know about my life since she doesn't know it(SHE KNOWS OKAY!!)

Today i didn't go to school because of something hilarious.
I woke up and felt like i'm dying. Literally.
At that instant my pipe was... err stucked or something. I CANNOT BREATHE.
Then like i breathed damn hard through my nose and it's finally back to normal.
Decided that that's damn scary and traumatising so i told my mom i didn't want to go to school. (Okay la confession #1- I don't want take chem test so HEHHEHHEH.)
But still, in the end i went to school in the afternoon for CCA.
My mind was struggling ttm whether to go la.. Since like, i'm already at home+not feeling very well.
However, my sense of responsibility(YES I FINALLY HAVE IT) tells me to go since today's CCA is kinda important cuz need to show cailaoshi the CNY ju and i wasn't there on friday already.
On my journey to school saw bestfriend and both of us were damn shocked. Abit of "siaozhabor" cuz we were like shouting to each other on the escalators at tamp. I GO UP SHE GO DOWN. Drama enough not :>
Talked to her on the phone all the way until i reached PAS. Siala so many things happened.
I'm scared to go school today.
Did something evil. But not considered so since he has zero reaction.
You know what?
When a girl says she's angry all she wants is for you to coax her.
When a girl says she don't want you to talk to her anymore, she expects an immediate reaction.
When a girl says she mean it, it might really mean it but at the back of the mind she's secretly hoping you would spend more time and effort to let her know how you actually care.
When a girl sees that you don't care, her heart dies. &You know when a girl's heart dies, it starts closing up, and it's not easy to turn back the eclipse of her heart.
It's indeed hard being a guy because a girl doesn't like to word out everything in her heart, but how is it easy being a girl?

Joined many groups in facebook today. Some total win la. Like speaking to me like that.

1.we might not be close again, but i won't ever forget how it used to be♥
2.Knowing Something Isn't Going to Happen But Still Having That Inch of Hope
3.I was certain i gave you up. But when i see your face, i miss you, AGAIN.
4.Guys don't realize that what they say stays in a girl's mind forever.

Kay it's meant to be a short post. BYE.

And that's the last straw. I admit defeat.

Today, i pinned up my fringe+ never put on any form of make up(EVEN CONCEALER YOU KNOW!!) and went everywhere looking all ugly, challenging myself. Jasline used to tell me i have no confidence in myself therefore i don't dare to pin up my fringe and all, but i guess everything boils down to me wanting to look my best in front of people, and pehaps mainly, him. Now i don't need to care about whatsoever already. I don't need to feel zibei and that i peibushang ta. Wo hen kaixin okay! :> I have to be kaixin! Made my choice, and never looking back(: One friend doesn't like him, it might be her problem, but when the second and third one emerges , there must be a problem. He must have a problem. Especially when Chelsea Chin, who used to back him up, who used to think he's okay, starts joining the anti-him fanclub and tell me, "Seriously... You should stop talking to him" Its something i should have done since long ago, since the problem doesn't start only recently. Claudia told me, " If letting him go means you'll feel better, then do it. You'll find someone better, and more worthy of your love, and who gives you a hundred percent for sure" It's the best solution, for him, and for me. Now he can be someone else's rainbow/sunshine/rain/(wtf whatever la-.-) all he want and i will not give a shit about it.

I saw this somewhere, which is really motivating, and thus wanna share it with you guys. Credits to whom it belongs to.

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Dear anyone with low self esteem:
You’re positively beautiful. I love your freckles on your nose, they bring out the colors in your eyes. Your hair frames your face perfectly. Your laugh is contagious and you will always make me smile. Those scars on your knees? They show me that you’ve fallen. That sparkle in your eyes when you smile? They show me you picked yourself up. You’re smile is drop dead gorgeous, wear it more often.

Who gives a shit if you have acne? Who cares if you’re overweight or underweight, tall or short, tan or pale, an A cup or a D cup? All that matters is that someone thinks your beautiful just the way you are and that someone is me. I wish you could love yourself the way I love you, the way your family loves you, the way your friends love you.

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Went for tuition today and Teacher Clara told me that my grey cells are working very well today. Goodbye to you humans with no grey cells and non-convulated brains. Right i'm speaking alien language. BYEEEEE. :>